i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
