I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
