she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
