We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
