I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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