The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
