have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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