I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
