mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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