did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
