You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Semen is not good for contacts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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