And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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