I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
