at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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