I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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