I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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