the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
