PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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