So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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