I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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