rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
