so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
