Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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