Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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