I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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