I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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