The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my liver is dry heaving
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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