i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
