It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
