we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
