We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
