So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
