oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
