When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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