Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
