Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
