you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
