You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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