Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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