I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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