I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
