would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
