I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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