just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
