last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i think im in europe. pls send help
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
