"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
