remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
