Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
