I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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