my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
