I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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