Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
