He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Randomize
