its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
