I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
