Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
