I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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