Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
