but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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